Everybody Knows!

Everybody knows that the dice are loaded
Everybody rolls with their fingers crossed
Everybody knows that the war is over
Everybody knows the good guys lost
Everybody knows the fight was fixed
The poor stay poor, the rich get rich
Thats how it goes
Everybody knows

Everybody knows that the boat is leaking
Everybody knows that the captain lied
Everybody got this broken feeling
Like their father or their dog just died

Everybody talking to their pockets
Everybody wants a box of chocolates
And a long stem rose
Everybody knows

Everybody knows that you love me baby
Everybody knows that you really do
Everybody knows that youve been faithful
Ah give or take a night or two
Everybody knows youve been discreet
But there were so many people you just had to meet
Without your clothes
And everybody knows

Everybody knows, everybody knows
Thats how it goes
Everybody knows

And everybody knows that its now or never
Everybody knows that its me or you
And everybody knows that you live forever
Ah when youve done a line or two
Everybody knows the deal is rotten
Old black joes still pickin cotton
For your ribbons and bows
And everybody knows

And everybody knows that the plague is coming
Everybody knows that its moving fast
Everybody knows that the naked man and woman
Are just a shining artifact of the past
Everybody knows the scene is dead
But theres gonna be a meter on your bed
That will disclose
What everybody knows

And everybody knows that youre in trouble
Everybody knows what youve been through
From the bloody cross on top of calvary
To the beach of malibu
Everybody knows its coming apart
Take one last look at this sacred heart
Before it blows
And everybody knows
------ By Leonard Cohen.

Shame on you!

It is really amazing to see, the kind of whims people live with, some with shameless boldness even. They consider themselves as objects of desire, and they are willing to play in others hands. They blame it on their circumstances, and they promise to come out of it. And their romanticized concepts keep sending them into the marshes of disgrace. All their lives they will die justifying their acts, either in the circles of weirdos or to people whom they consider more stupid than themselves. Their poetical vomits which brings out some desires as those pure desires cant co-exist with their original selves. Still they are as much of value, as much of their existence is. I despise them so much, that no matter how much affectionate I am to them, I am left very ashamed that I know someone so dear to me living such an animalistic life. If I could, I would just wipe off the word spirituality from their dictionary, for they even don't understand in what context it should be used. They consider it as some tool to do something amazing. Grow up people. Worms in the gutter live better lives than you, at least they are honest to themselves. You will get tired of fooling yourself around soon.
Best of luck for you to get myriad shades of loneliness, even when you will keep signing pacts with your destiny, it will keep laughing on you.

Return to yourself!

I can't help but smile at the way things are moving at my end. Whatever I will continue my journey with myself. Its strange, how much I am liking to help someone. I must say atleast you are trying. The way you have chosen is not easy, but I can see in your eyes, the spirit to fight, the spirit to change. You have been true to me since beginning, and I respect you for that. Although US is again not the best place to practice certain things, but I will be with you, in your quest.While replying to your mails, I was recollecting certain things, which I forgot almost. And now those things give me strength again. Infact it brings me back to certain things, from which I went away. But those experiences will help me to see things in new light, and so should yours.
And few words for some people, who are helpless to handle themselves. Just look back once at your history..and see how quickly it keeps on repeating. How much time will you take, to come out of this viscious circle? Very soon you will run out of your excuses, your decisions, your judgements..The emptiness you are trying to fill, will keep on widening..Just see, if you can return to yourself..I will be a really happy man..I know these words are useless for you..Still though I am helpless, I can't care any less..
And a clarity, you were seeking from me. Yes, your existance to me stays important..and it ends there. I would like to write new chapters, may be better ones. I have new things to work on. But I wish you all the luck for future. Shine as bright as you can!!

I am about to leave office now..to go back home..on my way I will think about many things..things which started since my childhood..my upbringing..my rebellion..my education..my spirituality..my love..my hate..my anger..my forgiveness..my losses..my wins..few good people..some cheats..but I thank everyone..for fixing some beliefs..and leaving some open ended thoughts..what ifs..plenty of them..small party later to thank a very special one..and I will pray for your well being later my love..without any ill thoughts..the least I can do for you is that..cheers!

Thanks for the beautiful gift..I am surprised, overwhelmed, and your tears mean a lot to me..I never liked to wear a watch, because didnt want to be confined in time..But I will wear it for the occasion you want me to..you want me to dress up into so much detail..unlike you, I am not into show business..still won't stop you from shopping( mummy don't buy anything before I come)..And in the end, I want people to know who tried comparing you to some cheap hunk..I feel so much grateful for every single moment I spent with you in last three months..your words from last night still echo..'I am giving away a part of my heart...and please don't stop me from making it look like a gem'...

Chill, Relax, Enjoy! Things are getting aligned, in the best possible way. Lets accept our fate, without regret, wishing each other all the best.

Sometime back, I was told, that people walked out with more wisdom..away from me..and I realised what a fool I am..I never move..I never want to be wise leaving people behind feeling stupid..and I realise now all wise men/women returned to me..the wisdom was only needed to know that my stupidity cant be replaced in their lives...I like comparisons..It helps me see how much a person understands me..I thank you for considering me at a higher level..and some one at lower..but frankly had u asked me the same question..my answer would have been..I never felt like evaluating anyone else in your presence (concept of stupid dedication)..and today when all wise people want my stupidity back..they forget water doesnt flow from lower level to higher level...

Be a human first!

Enlightenment..is a very big word..a word people like talking about without knowing what it means..and I am sure, they will keep talking about it, when they want to escape their reality..they want to keep hopping, from one pleasure to another, from carnal orgasm to spiritual orgasm..they neither seek enlightenment..nor they seek love...they want Just the pleasure assosiated in them..we want to please others because internally we want to be pleased..and in the end we realise we stay hollow because pleasure flies away with moments..every two months loyality changes, every week the emotions, a careless jumble of words on emotional upsurge..and smart monkeys waiting everywhere to get you flat with your hormones.. be a human first..may be then you can try for human goals...one of them is enlightenment..

Hoping very best

Yes I am sad for myself. I am in pain. I know, I can't turn back the clock and I know I can't write your future. Believe me, I knew it all. And beleive me, I tried everything going against everything. But I understood my actions only decide my fate. Please feel free to choose what is best for you. If pleasure is your motto, go for it. If lifestyle justifies your age, take it. If lust comes from emotional imbalance, you are treating it well. I will still remain the same, in my own world, hoping the very best for you.

Hello Everyone!

Its been very long since I wrote anything here! Surely because of some emotional reasons. As emotions very often do..make you vulnerable. But I am writing this today because I felt like it, after reading certain things from "the very inspiration" of this blog.
Its a human tendency to desire more..It never stops..We make rules..We break them before we know it..We lie to others..We lie to ourselves..Some choose to live like that..Some just can't..Unfortunately..I can't..
We decide..to get away from loneliness..and very soon we realize..we can never get away from it..Why do we forget..We were born that way..and We will die that way..There is nothing which can help us except ourselves...I have learnt this lesson the hard way..but at least I have learnt it..Unfortunately the kind of place I live in, you can never be lonely in physical terms( I will thank my wonderful friend circle which I avoided..for some selfish reasons)..even in emotional terms (I will thank my wonderful family for that!)..thats why I never have to run around places to seek company..but essentially I am lonely..and no one can help me there..no one! No relationships..no friendships..no words of comfort..I am not hopeless..I am just aware!
I can't help anyone..Its beyond my capabilities..Its beyond anyones capabilities..so lets not assume things which can belittle you later..I even want to refrain from show of that care (only a mother can show it..without seeking anything in return)..because that makes people dependent..which I don't want people to be around me..Its too much responsibility..and useless at the end of the day..So what can I offer..just the sincerity towards everyone who believes my presence brings comfort to them..till the time they realize..they can get it even without me..This is such a pleasant state of mind..it makes me feel so close to myself..
Some new developments are round the corner..it won't change anything(nothing can!)..
Wishing you all peace in your lives..your peace will bring peace to me as well..Lets not look back too much..lets not leap too forward in future..

Soul in the Ignorance!

Soul in the Ignorance, wake from its stupor.
Flake of the world-fire, spark of Divinity,
Lift up thy mind and thy heart into glory.
Sun in the darkness, recover thy lustre.

One, universal, ensphering creation,
Wheeling no more with inconscient Nature,
Feel thyself God-born, know thyself deathless.
Timeless return to thy immortal existence.

Corpse of desire!

Its a sense of joy, to be back again in the corridors of knowledge, in the corridors of peace, far far away from trifle emotions..(though old habits die hard..I am killing them slowly)..

Insistent, dissatisfied, without an aim,
Something that wished but knew not how to be,
Teased the Inconscient to wake Ignorance.
A throe that came and left a quivering trace,
Gave room for an old tired want unfilled,
At peace in its subconscient moonless cave
To raise its head and look for absent light,
Straining closed eyes of vanished memory,
Like one who searches for a bygone self
And only meets the corpse of his desire.
- From (Savitri by Aurobindo)

Peace!

Behold, it comes in might,
The power that is not power,
The light that is in darkness,
The shade in dazzling light.
It is joy that never spoke,
And grief unfelt, profound,
Immortal life unlived,
Eternal death unmourned.
It is not joy nor sorrow,
But that which is between,
It is not night nor morrow,
But that which joins them in.

"The Argumentative Indian""

Amazing are the ways of life! I came across friend of mine accidentally, while sipping coffee at my favorite place. We grew up together in Delhi and most of our school education was together. Though we started remembering our old days in school, after a quick information exchange about our common friends list, I quickly figured out, that he hadn't changed at all. And as I am reading a book with a funny name "The Argumentative Indian", I know now that this title is so true. In a couple of hours only, we discussed almost everything starting from Blake's poetry to Lagrange's multipliers in mathematics. And in the end when we were leaving, I was pleasantly shocked to see, that I have yet not lost the art. Now I am waiting for my another loquacious tour..with my family to Himalayan hill station of Shimla in the last week of June. And before that happens, as the happiness quotient is increasing day by day inside my heart..I will continue my austere ways, with lots to read to find myself back again (Don't know how to face my Guru! but he will forgive me for sure though I didn't listen to him)..I haven't read anything in last one year..and I blame it on my stupidity..It is much more peaceful to stay this way..Away from everything..Pleasure and pain..And A holy dip in Ganga..what my soul wants..to be reborn..in soul and spirit..My body and mind still stink of impurities at times..and I know from where they are coming..

At night On The High Seas

Some people when they get disillusioned, burdened by weight of responsibility try transforming their earlier relations into more carefree setting, offering friendship and care..I can tell you how meaningless they appear..just another form of selfishness..so a basic reminder..for all those who want to be close..still enjoying the distance..

At night, when the sea cradles me
And the pale star gleam
Lies down on its broad waves,
Then I free myself wholly
From all activities and all love
And stand silent and breathe purely,
Alone, alone cradled by the sea
That lies there, cold and silent, with a thousand lights.
Then I have to think of my friends
And my gaze sinks into their gazes
And I ask each one, silent, alone;
"Are you still mine"
Is my sorrow a sorrow to you, my death a death?
Do you feel from my love, my grief,
Just a breath, just an echo?
And the sea painfully gazes back,
And smiles: no.
And no greeting and no answer comes from anywhere.
- Hermann Hesse (My true German connection)

Welcome Silence, welcome energy!

Wonderful journeys always come to an end, because they should. If they won't, we will never appreciate the beauty of the journey. The memories always stay by us, the warmth we can always feel when we close our eyes. Now when silence is greeting us with all its virtues lets embrace it with all the affection it deserves. I haven't changed one bit, still sentiments empower me, and I keep traveling back in time. But definitely, the spiritual aspect of my life saves me in those moments. Before the feeling of dejection, starts piercing my soul, always some elevated soul knocks up the doors of sinking consciousness. I am still greeted with warm smiles, warm handshakes, and a beautiful life. As I have a very expressive face, people always ask the reasons of sadness in my eyes. I try to just pass it off by saying gifts of life are not always happy, so just bear it with me as I have no capacity to refuse it. The best thing is I am reading a lot, reflecting a lot. The pain of losing your skin is not easy, but to find the higher softness,and to regain the sensitivity back, we all should bear this pain. In the end I know what's my destiny and my heart can never override it. I was never meant for this materialistic world, I have paid the price with blood and tears by ignoring it. So Welcome silence, Welcome energy, Welcome purity, Welcome austerity..
I wrote a poem recently, hope you will enjoy it.

When I touched the grass this morning,

A shiny dew drop twinkled,

With the smile of colors it spoke,

Where were you Mr. Lover?

I was lost in some lanes,

Which were not green but gray

And I prefer to keep them secret,

Some things are better if kept that way.

So how the future looks for you?

I smiled to say, don’t know,

If the journey is so beautiful,

To the end I got to bow.

So don’t you feel lonely anymore?

Well your colors I have missed for a while,

And a phase of life is always lonely,

In your company I can smile.

A beautiful day after a sunny morning. Again I woke up to the horns of passing buses, which are like life-line to the commuters, who begin their day much earlier than me. May be I am the most relaxed guy, most fortunate in the city, who is still not bound by time, distance and money. As a beautiful week passed, I had time to reflect on many things including the way I feel right now. I wrote a poem, which brought some delight to me. I also thought about this beautiful country, which I am blessed with. I don't know why it always keeps growing on me. The other day somebody told me, people will come to know it, will get lost in it and will still never be a part of except a few like Mother Teressa. Because India only reveals to those, who have ability to stand by its wounds, who have that depth in their hearts to stand by truth and surely if its your destiny. As I will be traveling lots of it in coming months, I am pretty sure she will keep making me feel blessed. The other day again some Muslim terrorists attacked its soul, and some lives were lost. What did they get besides a few lives? They can never kill its soul, no matter how brutal they are. It moves on with the same vitality, with same energy, with same happiness. May be I have already learned something from it. It will still remain the beautiful country, where I will take birth again and again. An Australian poet wrote a few lines which touched my heart and I will share it with you.

In a dream
I flew across the blue ink heavens,
Through the air
Passing Broome red underneath as
Garuda crossing the Indian Ocean
To India.

As the sun rose
And unsettled the grey mist on the Ganges
I sat in a boat
With rhythmic creaking oars
To the slap thud of washing clothes
On stony steps,
To the ringing bell of funeral pyres
Vultures flapping, rose petals following
In the wake of burning dead

And on into the fumed traffic
Crimson-saried women flying in the air
Scooter taxis with alto horns
Rushing through crowds and sacred cows.
Computers flashing
In canyons of glass and stone
White smoke curling, incense
Floating like the women bathing,
Combing jet black hair
While the Ganges ran down their shoulders

And in the dark of the fiery furnace
Men and women slept where they worked
Making black iron for bread.
Sweet smells of Madras
The rushing Calcutta streets
Moon shadows on flute tunes
In the temple
The four-clap beat and the hum of the drum
Dusty men sleeping on stone
And balancing women with baskets of rubble.

Rolling camels in Rajasthan
Two-humped shadows in the slipping sand
A thousand mirrored fragments
Held in the palm of my hand,
Like infinity
`And eternity in an hour'

Time to predict nothing!! I am damn good at it.

These have been lovely three days to me. Had good time with friends, good food, and a lot of general discussions about life, love, relationships, insecurities and sacrifices. Plenty of people tried to show me mirror, and I have to accept, I looked very fresh, very healthy and really cheerful. Just now when I am not getting sleep for obvious reasons, and when i think about it deeply I can see that it has been a special day, as two amazing things happened. The first one was my mother called me up, to ask if I was feeling okay as she was not getting sleep and thought I was sick. The truth is I am not. If I remember correctly, this is the first time when she got it wrong. Frankly I had enough reasons to feel that way. So she got the cause right, but result wrong. The another thing happened little before that, and it was a proof of another amazing ability of mine, is to always foresee future, and before anything happens, something makes me take some strong decisions which I am very incapable of generally. The prediction of mine is so bang accurate that my friend was shocked to see it. I showed a letter to him, which I wrote some months back, without posting and with a date which was 11th May 2008 and when I replied to an important mail this evening, all wordings remained same except some particular references. Funny thing was I had to just add one more paragraph. Three days back when something told me, that a particular chapter of life is over, and its time to turnover pages, I had to be submissive to it. I have to accept its not easy. But I will not mind it, with all joy I will rather sing
Que Sera Sera and won't try to predict things, when they get so painfully right!! A true Brahmin!

When I was just a little girl
I asked my mother, what will I be
Will I be pretty, will I be rich
Here's what she said to me.

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.

When I was young, I fell in love
I asked my sweetheart what lies ahead
Will we have rainbows, day after day
Here's what my sweetheart said.

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.

Now I have children of my own
They ask their mother, what will I be
Will I be handsome, will I be rich
I tell them tenderly.

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.

अजीब हाल है, की रुक गई है सांसे और जीये जा रहा हूँ मैं| खुश हूँ के मरने से पहले इल्म तो है, अब जो भी है साथ लीए जा रहा हूँ मैं|

A feeling of happiness can't be hidden, when you feel fresh, alive and revitalized. When you fly on top of those hills, and see things in totality you see absolute roundness, absolute beauty, and realize how small are you, and how small is your universe, while the God created so much for you! Sometimes, when you can't change things yourself, I always believe God does it for you. He takes you in his lap to show things around, as you are busy solving a problem, which has no significance, while you miss out on world, your near and dears, your parents and life the most. I am happy that this feeling of awakening is universal desire of mankind as is every different desire. I rather think its the most strong desire, and once you really have it, nothing can stop you, and its important that we awaken at right time, when the stakes are low, Its not me who generally cares for the stakes, but somehow I got to learn certain things even unwillingly, to keep the happiness generally universal, in small universes which exist around me.I have felt very strongly that I feel happy, only when people around me are happy. Ah! too much of "I", a thing I owe it to someone whose universe I thought was mine..so lets end it at you with my another childish poem..enjoy!

A secret, covered by thousand wishes,

A scar waited for thousand more whiplashes,

A light which searched for one dead fish,

A pond stirred up with thousand fishes..

The night has fallen, the ducklings still playing

The breeze has stopped, still leaves are swaying,

Eyes are amused, ah! Finally the past is decaying.

God exists! I was dying praying.

What did I lose? It was never mine,

What did I drink? The forbidden wine,

What did I choose? It was all divine,

What did I get? An immortal shine.

Will I look back, no more! no more!

Will I be sad, no more! no more!

Will I fly again, yes I will do..

Thank you! I owe it to you.

As you told me!

Its a part of conversation which I had with a person who is good at tossing up questions and answering them with great authority..

And you told me,

Its respect which makes a relationship,

Not love, may be you can sail on that boat..

From one island to another,

To travel around the world, you need to respect your sailor..

As you told me,

The fire won’t last for ever, but the ashes will,

You may rise from it, or never rise again,

It will be there in those mountain hills,

Where the sweeping winds will keep it spreading,

Over the land, over the sea..

As you told me,

Do I wish to survive, or live, or to be rescued?

I knew you wanted to keep me confused,

I know what you meant,

Next time I will let you know, you were wrong,

I travel on moments, periods and eras!

I say!

I feel ill-at-ease on this wasted heath,

Who in this ephemeral world has ever found relief?

The nightingale has no complains against the hunter or the watch,

It is her fate to lie in cage, and spring in every mead!

My desires were better advised to find a new resort,

Where in my scalded heart is space enough to breath?

We have borrowed this long life on four days lease,

Two were spent in yearnings vain, two by waiting seized.

The day of life is nearly done, the shades of night approach,

We shall sleep in the grave, stretching both our feet.

How unlucky is Swan, mark! For his burial place,

He couldn’t find two yards of ground in his love’s street.

Rise of Soul!

When the world arises in me,

It is just an illusion:

Water shimmering in the sun,

A vein of silver in mother-of-pearl,

A serpent in a strand of rope.

From me the world streams out

And in me it dissolves,

As a bracelet melts into gold,

A pot crumbles into clay,

A wave subsides into water.

First I gave up action,

Then idle words,

And lastly thought itself.

Now I am here.

Ridding my mind of distraction,

Single-pointed,

I shut out sounds and all the senses,

And I am here.